OH GODS, NOT A MARY SUE!
by the-Mad-Majesty-of-Muchness
Summary: What's this? A Mary Sue! In Camp Half-Blood! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Warning: Complete and total crack-fic that includes, but is not limited to, OOC-ness and 4th wall breaking! Rated T, just in case. ON HIATUS TILL FURTHER NOTICE, SOZ, GUYZ


**AN: ****WOOOOOO, HEY LOOK, EVERYBODY, IT'S ME, MAGGIE! I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD, THANKS TO NICO! Wait, when did I die?...uh...whatever, forget I said anything. AAAAAAAAAAAAAANY-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...I'm bored, so I decided to make a totally random crack fic for no reason, soooooooooo...if it's stupid/lame/dumb/whatever else, that's why. it's spur of the moment, and it's also a crack fic, so it's kinda SUPPOSED to be that way, y'know? anyway, yeah. FLAMES WILL BE USED TO ROAST ME SOME MARSHMALLOWS! WHICH ARE AWESOME! AND STICKY-GOOEY-YUM-AY-NESS! also, if there are traces of Pippin references in here, it's cuz i just watched Pippin yesterday, so i apologize for that (and any OOC-ness, which there will probably be a lot of) in advance. WARNING: THERE WILL BE BREAKING OF THE FOURTH WALL, SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, YOU BETTER LEAVE RIGHT NOW. NO, SERIOUSLY. NOT A JOKE, PEEPS. OKAY, ARE ALL THE FOURTH WALL OBSESS-EES GONE? GOOD. ON WITH THE STORY!

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One day, Percy and Annabeth decided to be OOC for a while, so they went to the beach and started making out for hours on end, something that Rick Riordan would never have them do. Then some random chick with black hair in a ponytail and sea green eyes-hey, just like Percy's!-showed up. They looked at the girl and screamed.

"OH MY GODS, A MARY SUE!" they shrieked. "HIIIIIIIIII!" said the Mary Sue. Percy and Annabeth screamed again. Somewhere up above, lightning flashed and the Mad Majesty of Muchness, a.k.a the Awesome Authoress, a.k.a Maggie, laughed evilly. It sounded kinda like this: "MWAHAHAHHAAHAA!" ...Or something.

"RUN FOR YOU LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!" Percy yelled. So they ran for their lives. They rammed into Nico, who randomly shadow traveled into the middle of their path, then all three of them fell flat on their butts. They sat there, looking at each other and blinking. "Hi, guys, what's up?" Nico asked. He had also decided to be OOC, apparently, because he was unusually perky and sunshine-y.

"We're being chased by a Mary Sue!" Annabeth screamed. "HIDE US!" Nico looked at them funny? "Mary Sue? Oh, you mean του Βασιλείου τελειότητα της τρισεκατομμυριοστό!

They just looked at him funny.

"Prinkípissa Vereníki Elisávet tou Vasileíou teleióti̱ta ti̱s trisek atommyriostó?" they said together. Nico nodded at them, a stupidly huge grin plastered onto his face. "Yep!" he said happily. "OH MY GODS, THIS CAN'T BE FREAKING HAPPENING!" Annabeth screeched.

"NOT THAT FAMILY AGAIN, I CAN'T STAND THEM, NOOOOOOO!" She collapsed into the fetal position and started rocking back and forth, sucking her thumb like a baby. Then the Mary Sue, a.k.a του Βασιλείου τελειότητα της τρισεκατομμυριοστό, or, if you wanted the phonetic way of reading it, Prinkípissa Vereníki Elisávet tou Vasileíou teleióti̱ta ti̱s trisek atommyriostó showed up.

"HIIIIIII," she said again, causing Percy to (once again) shriek like a tiny little girl. He grabbed the back of Annabeth's shirt collar and dragged her along with him as he jumped behind Nico, whimpering something about protection.

"Oh, hey, Veren!" Nico said, still as cheery as ever. "Hi, Nico!" the Mary Sue replied in a voice so overly perky that it made the trees turn white with fear as the nymphs fled for their lives. Up on Mount Olympus, Aphrodite herself fainted and a cherub misfired an arrow as its wings suddenly became as heavy as lead and it dropped to the ground, causing the arrow to glance off several things, including Bessie the Ophiotaurus' sphere of water, which made Bessie moo loudly, before it embedded itself into the butt of a rather unfortunate minor god, who fell right off Olympus, straight into the Fields of Punishment, where he then proceeded to sing soprano for a week.

But nobody noticed.

Poor minor god.

"PEANUT BUTTER!" somebody yelled, running across camp, ignoring the minor god that was busy falling from Olympus straight into the Fields of Punishment where he then sang soprano for a week as he ran right past. "FOR PERCY AND PEANUT BUTTER!" the somebody shouted, tackling the Mary Sue to the ground.

"YAY, TYSON!" Percy and Annabeth cheered. Wait, when did Annabeth stop acting like a baby? Eh, forget it, not like it's relevant to the plot line or anything.

_Or is it? *dun dun duuuuun!*_

"Nah, it's not," the Awesome Authoress decided from her place way up high in the sky. Suddenly, a young woman with green skin and long black hair appeared out of quite literally no where. She looked at the teenagers (and one Cyclops plus a Mary Sue), and they looked back. Then the Mary Sue began to screech at the top of her lungs-a sound so beautiful that the heavens parted and a beam of sunlight came down to shine upon her as a chorus of angels sang in the background and harps-or were they lyres?-played.

"OH MY GODS, ELPHABA!" the Awesome Authoress yelled from somewhere above their heads. "WHAT IN OZ SAKE ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE! WHERE'S FIYERO? AND GLINDA, FOR THAT MATTER, WHY AREN'T THEY WITH YOU?"

But the green girl wasn't listening. She had pulled out an ancient looking book and started chanting funny words from it. "OH GODS, ELPHABA, NO NOT THE GRIMMERIE!" Authoress Maggie screamed, her voice echoing as it came down from the sky...or where ever the Hades she was hiding from them.

_"Ah may ah say ah tum ditum..." _the woman chanted, ignoring Authoress Maggie's desperate pleas for her to stop. Finally, there was a flash of multi-colored **(AN: No, I don't mean rainbow, I'm just too lazy to type all the colors it was right now. PM if you're curious, though. Or review, I'll respond to either one. Your choice.) **light and when it was gone, Maggie stood there wearing a vertically navy-blue-and-white striped knee-length spaghetti strap dress, and a pair of rainbow sandals, her hazel eyes wide and her long brown hair pulled into a sloppy ponytail that was coming undone.

"NOOOOOO!" Maggie shrieked, moving in slow-mo towards the black-haired woman with one arm reaching out. Still moving in slow-mo, she jumped on the woman, tackling her to the ground, then promptly went back into normal speed as she wrestled the ancient book out of the woman's hands. The book vanished instantly.

"ELPHABA THROPP!" the fiction writer screamed at the top of her 14-year-old lungs. "WHAT THE HADES ARE YOU DOING OUT OF YOUR FANDOM UNIVERSE! AND WITHOUT FIYERO OR GLINDA, NO LESS! WHAT THE FRICK WERE YOU THINKING, LEAVING WITHOUT BRINGING ANYBODY WITH YOU FOR PROTECTION?"

"I CAN TAKE CARE OF MY SELF PERFECTLY WELL, MAGGIE, YOU KNOW THAT! I AM TWENTY-FREAKING-ONE, FOR THE LOVE OF OZ, AND I AM MORE THAN CAPABLE OF USING MAGIC, YOU KNOW THAT, AND I DO NOT APPRECIATE-"

She was cut off suddenly when Maggie yelled, "ΓΙΑ Λόγο Μου, εσύ θα παραμείνει σε σιωπή!" She made a motion with her right arm that looked as if she was throwing something onto the ground, but her hand was empty. Somehow, though, a flash of light that looked as if she'd set off a piece of spark paper flared up in front of the girl-from-another-fandom, and when the smoke cleared, the girl's mouth was still moving, but no sound was coming out.

"Επιστροφή στην χιλ. από τις οποίες προήλθαν!" Maggie said, passing her hand in front of the woman, causing her to disappear in a manner similar to how Maggie herself had shown up. That was when they realized Veren the Mary Sue had mysteriously disappeared at some point during Maggie's shouting match with the older girl.

"OH MY GODS, THERE'S A MARY SUE LOOSE IN THE CAMP!" Percy and Annabeth screamed, once again going into Red Alert Panic Mode. The Rachel showed up, dressed in a way that made Maggie think a little bit of a bohemian hippie. She grinned-albeit a bit stupidly-at the thought.

"Hi, everybody!" the boho hippie-uh, I mean Oracle said. "RACHEL, THERE'S AN INSANE MARY SUE WREAKING HAVOC ON THE ENTIRE CAMP!" the dating couple screeched in her face, which sent the redhead into the same state of panic as them.

The three of them ran screaming to the Big House, with Nico and Maggie following behind, hoping they got there before Chiron heard their shouts.

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**AN: So, that's the first bit of my contribution to this totally awesome community. Like it, love it, hate it, want me to keep going or stop...? This is the first time I've ever used a Mary Sue in any of my stories, so sorry if I'm a bit out of practice in that area. I usually tend to avoid stories with Mary Sues in them, even crack fics, but I was bored, and my brain is an EXTREMELY wacked up place in TONS more ways than one. Also, first person to translate the Mary Sue's name correctly gets a guest appearance in the next chapter! **

**And the first person to figure out what I was screeching in Greek will get...uh...something...I'm not quite sure yet, to be honest. Ideas for that are welcome. And, while I'm not going to say which one, I WILL tell you that I used an online translator to get all that stuff, and since my stupid laptop doesn't have a font with Greek lettering and crap, and to tell the truth, I have no clue how to install a new font on my computer after downloading it, my mom has to do that part for me, but anyway, because of all that, I had to just copy/paste everything from the translator into the story. **

**Go ahead, laugh if you want. No, seriously, feel free, I'm even sitting here laughing a little about it myself, even as I type this, so, seriously, this is a friendly personal invitation to laugh away! Anyways, hope you enjoyed, and again, see if you can correctly translate the Mary Sue's name and all that stuff I was shrieking about like a Greek banshee!**

**xoxo,**

**Maggie**

**Disclaimer: Me: *shoots up out of Long Island Sound like a daughter of Poseidon* WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *lands on beach and starts dancing***

**Travis: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! FLYING FAN FIC WRITERS! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!**

**Me: *smacks and thrusts papers at him* Here! Read these! The plan worked! I didn't think you and your stupid brother could actually pull it off, but it WORKED!**

**Travis: *reads* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MAGGIE OWNS PJO, WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**Annabeth: *snatches***

**Me & Travis: HEY, GIVE THOSE BACK!  
**

**Annabeth: These are forged documents, you dimwits. **

**Me: WHAT? *snatches back and reads, muttering to self* SHIZ! Riordan must've had duplicates made to look like forgeries or something, then replaced the real ones with them in the safe! HOW'D HE KNOW WE WERE COMING?**

**Travis & Conner: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**The Point: I don't own PJO  
**


End file.
